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Author Topic: 16 year old son, does not want to move to NH  (Read 14908 times)

chrisman

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16 year old son, does not want to move to NH
« on: July 27, 2009, 09:26:28 pm »

Hi,

I am wanting to move to New Hampshire, and have a good job offer in Manchester. My son is 16 years old, and he wants to move back to where we lived from 2006-2008, in north Idaho. For many reasons, including its an awesome place, I think NH is best. My son is into guitar and is very talented at it. He is very shy and is afraid of trying to make new friends, which I can understand. We are both very into the outdoors. I have explained that NH in many ways is a lot like north Idaho, with the outdoorsy stuff to do, and freedoms. What would you recommend I say? Any advice?

This means a lot to me. My wife and I are having issues (mainly over my beliefs about lifestyle and "politics" for lack of a better word), and I do not want place any more stress on him. I have a job offer in NH, none in Idaho, though I have my own computer based business that would allow me to move to Idaho also.

We are Christians, but I am not the type who believes our immoral government can legislate morality, its ridiculous, and supported by most "Christians". We will all be accountable for our actions, good and bad.

Thank you in advance for any wisdom on this, or actual words I can use.
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djbridgeland

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Re: 16 year old son, does not want to move to NH
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2009, 10:05:50 pm »

Assuming he loves Liberty also I'm sure he will make lots of friends epically in Manchester.  There are a number of High school aged free stater's kids, and even younger.  One of the cool things is a lot of them are hanging out with the older folks and making friends with them. Did you visit NH with him before/while interviewing for the job?  Maybe you might want to do that if you can afford a trip out.   I guess you also have to consider that you do have a job offer in NH, and in this economy you go where the money is.
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chrisman

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Re: 16 year old son, does not want to move to NH
« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2009, 10:52:28 pm »

Thanks...

We both attended the Liberty Forum in March 09'. He is more focused on some of the usual things kids that age are, but thanks to me he has a lot of the same beliefs. He said he did not like it there, but I believe it was because he knew that by saying he liked it, he would be accepting a move there. He knows me well. I am also teaching him about living cheaply, and less reliant on money. Wherever we go, we will be living closer to the way our recent ancestors did. I hope it is in New Hampshire though, without having my son hate me. I usually would not care, but I now have 2 years to mold him while under my tutelage.
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chrisman

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Re: 16 year old son, does not want to move to NH
« Reply #3 on: July 27, 2009, 10:56:36 pm »

By saying "I usually would not care", I mean that I have to do my job without worrying whether I will be hated for it. I do care what my son thinks, and love him very much, which is why I am weighing this so carefully.
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Rebel

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Re: 16 year old son, does not want to move to NH
« Reply #4 on: July 27, 2009, 11:02:51 pm »

You're the dad and likely he'll get over his distaste after a week or so. I find it hard to believe that he won't like living here, and many of us are welcoming in nature. As he grows up some more, he'll love what you've done for him.
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chrisman

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Re: 16 year old son, does not want to move to NH
« Reply #5 on: July 27, 2009, 11:15:51 pm »

Thanks Rebel, I think you are right. I know he will like it once we have been there a short while. In the long run I hope my whole family will know I had done the right thing.

My wife fully hates me now and that is another factor, in large part due to my beliefs regarding liberty and our duties as a free people. She has stated to me that New Hampshire is like "the other woman", because of my research on everything liberty related, and the FSP. I am not sure what will happen with us. She and a lot of my "friends" think I am joining a cult, and there has been a lot of back stabbing going on, by her and them. You would think all of the flag waving, hot dog eating 4th of July revelers would know what that day is all about, but I guess if you actually do know what its all about and aspire to be like those men of old who sacrificed for our lazy asses to gain so many undeserved freedoms, and espouse that, you are somehow joining a cult.

But, forget that, I am here to find out how to get my son to move with me and enjoy it.
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Rebel

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Re: 16 year old son, does not want to move to NH
« Reply #6 on: July 27, 2009, 11:39:34 pm »

Thanks Rebel, I think you are right. I know he will like it once we have been there a short while. In the long run I hope my whole family will know I had done the right thing.

My wife fully hates me now and that is another factor, in large part due to my beliefs regarding liberty and our duties as a free people. She has stated to me that New Hampshire is like "the other woman", because of my research on everything liberty related, and the FSP. I am not sure what will happen with us. She and a lot of my "friends" think I am joining a cult, and there has been a lot of back stabbing going on, by her and them. You would think all of the flag waving, hot dog eating 4th of July revelers would know what that day is all about, but I guess if you actually do know what its all about and aspire to be like those men of old who sacrificed for our lazy asses to gain so many undeserved freedoms, and espouse that, you are somehow joining a cult.

But, forget that, I am here to find out how to get my son to move with me and enjoy it.
I can understand that he may not like leaving his current friends, but assure him that he'll have many more over here. You might want to talk up NH to the wife about your job prospects and once you're here, we'll show her that it's not what she thinks. Take a vacation here and we'll prove to here that we are absolutely not a cult nor bad folks in general. I know that it will cost money, but at least she'll be on board after the fact. I don't encourage ruining your relationship, just take a different tact in exposing her to the idea. Stick and move, bro. We have no state income nor general sales tax, nor mandatory car insurance. We also have the lowest crime in the country. We have been slated as the "Most Livable State" 5 years in a row and it's the best state to raise a child. It's not so much about the project, but moreso about the general mindset of the NH people in general.

In fact, take your family to the Taproom on a tuesday night and it will become obviously apparent that we're all legit. I promise.
« Last Edit: July 27, 2009, 11:44:27 pm by Rebel »
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time4liberty

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Re: 16 year old son, does not want to move to NH
« Reply #7 on: July 28, 2009, 03:42:24 am »

Hi,

I am wanting to move to New Hampshire, and have a good job offer in Manchester. My son is 16 years old, and he wants to move back to where we lived from 2006-2008, in north Idaho. For many reasons, including its an awesome place, I think NH is best. My son is into guitar and is very talented at it. He is very shy and is afraid of trying to make new friends, which I can understand. We are both very into the outdoors. I have explained that NH in many ways is a lot like north Idaho, with the outdoorsy stuff to do, and freedoms. What would you recommend I say? Any advice?

This means a lot to me. My wife and I are having issues (mainly over my beliefs about lifestyle and "politics" for lack of a better word), and I do not want place any more stress on him. I have a job offer in NH, none in Idaho, though I have my own computer based business that would allow me to move to Idaho also.

We are Christians, but I am not the type who believes our immoral government can legislate morality, its ridiculous, and supported by most "Christians". We will all be accountable for our actions, good and bad.

Thank you in advance for any wisdom on this, or actual words I can use.

Hey :)

That's a tough situation. I do think working things out with your wife is more important than with your son. I mean, I would say your wife's objection carries more weight.

Perhaps you could ask them what specific objections they have, and see if you can meet them or compromise.
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LiftsBoxes

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Re: 16 year old son, does not want to move to NH
« Reply #8 on: July 28, 2009, 06:38:20 am »

What kind of music is he into?
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Denis Goddard

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Re: 16 year old son, does not want to move to NH
« Reply #9 on: July 28, 2009, 11:18:51 am »

My $0.02:
1) Inform him that you & your wife are moving to NH, due to deeply-held convictions.
2) Remind him that when he's 18, he's a man and can choose at that point to move anywhere on Earth he wishes where he believes his life path must take him and here he can make his own way.
3) Ensure he understands that he always has a place to come home to, no matter what, as long as you or your wife shall live.

chrisman

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Re: 16 year old son, does not want to move to NH
« Reply #10 on: July 28, 2009, 11:57:03 am »

Hi,

Thanks for all of the comments and advice so far. My wife and I were in NH January 2008. It is my beliefs in liberty and wanting to get involved that has caused a bit of a split. Without laying out all of the details I will just say that this path has earned me some persecution, and a lot of eye opening reactions from "friends".

One example of persecution is a folder filled with copies of email correspondence to a "friend" RE the freedom movement, Ron Paul, founding fathers, and stuff that everyone acts like they esteem so highly about America, labeled "X-Files".

There has been a lot that has happened (to me) in the last 6 months, and at this point my wife's opinion is not worth very much to me, sadly.

For the record, I have been a loving and "always there" father. The "always there" part may have been the problem, in hindsight.

So, I do not have much hope of my wife joining me initially, though she may once I am established with my son. The main thing for me right now is getting my son there. He has convictions, just not as strong as mine.

The job offer is so tempting I am ready to call and say "I'm on my way" right now. It is a job paying $20+/ hr, and allows "moonlighting" (ie. running my computer based biz from there). Man this is tough, as I do not want to break bonds with my son at least.
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margomaps

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Re: 16 year old son, does not want to move to NH
« Reply #11 on: July 28, 2009, 12:23:41 pm »

So are you and your wife separated?  I'm not sure what you mean by "a bit of a split".  But it sure sounds like you're contemplating moving to NH without her.  Do you have an arrangement with your wife that you have full custody of your son?  If so, it sounds like an informal arrangement, and one which could get you into legal (read: 'kidnapping') trouble if you move to NH and take your son with you, and if your wife decided to get vindictive about things.

This sounds like a bad situation all around.  Frankly, I don't blame your wife for being upset and/or unwilling to uproot and move to NH.  Try putting yourself in her shoes for a moment.  Suddenly (I'm inferring) her spouse is intensely interested in new ideas that don't make any sense to her.  He seems obsessed with the ideas, and has apparently latched onto some radical movement that has convinced him to uproot and move from (where are you again?) all the way to NH, dragging his family kicking and screaming (or leaving her behind and taking her son).  If I understand the situation, this is madness.

My 2 cents is this: take the time to repair your relationship with your wife (if that's something you're interested in), and try to use friendly persuasive techniques -- not threats or the like --  to convince your family that NH is a good place to live.  Talk up the job prospect, the quality of life, etc.  If you take your son to NH against his will, and leave your wife behind, you're going to have alienated probably the two most important people in your life.  That doesn't sound like a very good idea.  Keep working on your son and wife (honey catches more flies than vinegar!), and hopefully you'll change their minds.  If you haven't had any luck by the time your son turns 18, then maybe consider moving on your own to NH, and asking your wife and son to join you.
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sonio

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Re: 16 year old son, does not want to move to NH
« Reply #12 on: July 28, 2009, 01:44:50 pm »

That job sound sweet...
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cathleeninnh

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Re: 16 year old son, does not want to move to NH
« Reply #13 on: July 28, 2009, 01:52:05 pm »

You are asking your son to take your side over your wife's.  That is a rough position to put him in.

I do not think many relationships survive the kind of rift you describe. I am very thankful that my husband and I are on the same page. Once your eyes are opened to our serious loss of liberty, I don't think anyone can shut them and go back to ignorance. If you can't open her eyes, your future looks bleak as a couple.

I would try to avoid any appearance of game playing with your wife over your son. He is old enough to get it straight from you. Be open about your wanting what is best for all of them in the bad times that exist and the worse times you see coming. Be sad about the rift, not angry. Make your decisions thoughtfully rather than impulsively. Be open rather than sneaky. Whatever you do, hold your head up and don't be ashamed.

Good luck
Cathleen
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sj

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Re: 16 year old son, does not want to move to NH
« Reply #14 on: July 28, 2009, 04:39:41 pm »

Welcome!

First of all, if your family visits New Hampshire, be sure to drop me a line and we'll have you all over for dinner.  I'm always happy to meet new families coming to New Hampshire.

Also, there are a lot of young free staters active in music.  Some of them even have bands.  Too bad he didn't see the bands that played at PorcFest.
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