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Author Topic: The A.S.S.  (Read 4293 times)

JasonPSorens

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The A.S.S.
« on: July 07, 2009, 03:57:27 pm »

This is the text of the "rant" Mary and I gave for Soapbox Idol.

Somewhere, in an alternate universe, in the year 2001, a new organization was founded: the Anti State Society. The ASS was an effort to recruit one million statism-hating individuals to a single state of the US. The first thing they wanted to do was to design a logo, which was based on an animal that was non-threatening but represented the ideals of freedom and self-defense. That animal was, of course, the skunk. Their motto was, "Statism stinks - in our lifetime."

In 2003, the group finally reached 1,000 participants and voted on their destination state - the winner was, logically, Texas. Some participants started moving to Texas right away, and the following summer the ASS sponsored its first annual SkunkFest. They developed a detailed political program to which all Anti Staters, also known as "skunks," were required to subscribe. It was a three-step plan:

First, secede from the US.
Second, join Mexico.
Third, liberate Mexico for sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll.

The movement quickly developed two factions: The first was devoted to within-the-system political activism, while the other favored, of course, violent revolution. Some members of the political faction formed a shadowy group called the "Anti Town Society," whose goal was to liberate Houston. Local opposition soon emerged with their campaign to legalize skunk bestiality. The revolutionary faction, meanwhile, focused on forming strategic partnerships with Mexican methamphetamine gangs. Alex Jones was quoted as having said, "Those guys are nutjobs!"

Needless to say, none of it ever came to much, but they say that there are still some old-timers who can remember the Great Skunk Invasion of '03.
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"Educate your children, educate yourselves, in the love for the freedom of others, for only in this way will your own freedom not be a gratuitous gift from fate. You will be aware of its worth and will have the courage to defend it." --Joaquim Nabuco (1883), Abolitionism

lloydbob1

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Re: The A.S.S.
« Reply #1 on: July 07, 2009, 06:08:36 pm »

That was a great skit!
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Dreepa

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Re: The A.S.S.
« Reply #2 on: July 07, 2009, 07:05:54 pm »

It seemed to be longer than that... and it was FANTASTIC... and delivered perfectly....
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lloydbob1

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Re: The A.S.S.
« Reply #3 on: July 07, 2009, 08:16:02 pm »

Didn't yours go on all evening from the Judges Table?
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Dreepa

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Re: The A.S.S.
« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2009, 08:22:15 am »

Didn't yours go on all evening from the Judges Table?

yes I ranted for quite some time.
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JasonPSorens

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Re: The A.S.S.
« Reply #5 on: July 08, 2009, 09:24:36 am »

There were some dramatic pauses, & minor deviations from script. :) The judges were great, never seemed to run out of material. Some of the audience joked about deducting a point from Angela's scores for each drink she'd had, but she was a riot. I think we benefited from going late in the program, the crowd was warmed up by then.  >:D
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"Educate your children, educate yourselves, in the love for the freedom of others, for only in this way will your own freedom not be a gratuitous gift from fate. You will be aware of its worth and will have the courage to defend it." --Joaquim Nabuco (1883), Abolitionism

MK

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Re: The A.S.S.
« Reply #6 on: July 08, 2009, 04:45:13 pm »

Thanks for sharing the script!  It was extremely well excecuted and fantastic fun! 
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freedomroad

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Re: The A.S.S.
« Reply #7 on: July 08, 2009, 08:05:57 pm »

The video has been up for a while, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0UbWuZg6cQ
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MK

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Re: The A.S.S.
« Reply #8 on: July 09, 2009, 03:58:23 pm »

There were some dramatic pauses, & minor deviations from script. :) The judges were great, never seemed to run out of material. Some of the audience joked about deducting a point from Angela's scores for each drink she'd had, but she was a riot. I think we benefited from going late in the program, the crowd was warmed up by then.  >:D

I find myself wanting to exchange the words "warmed up" with the word "gassed!"  :)
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