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Author Topic: Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH  (Read 13423 times)

BagOfEyebrows

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Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH
« on: May 23, 2005, 07:46:59 am »

... but spouse has a job/career they don't want to leave behind?

I had just spent a year convincing my husband to move our family to New Hampshire and we'd made a pact that if he didn't get the promotion he'd been working towards before December of 2005, he'd be more than willing to join the Free State Project.  I began working on the details of finding the best area for our family.

Well, he got the promotion.  Although I'm so happy he got what he wanted, another part of me is really crushed that we won't be moving to New Hampshire. 

I'd even been researching real estate in New Hampshire and it was looking so promising.  His plan was to start his own business there. 

I was thinking last night that I can't be the only person in a marriage who is having a struggle with wanting to join the Free State Project but also wanting to honor and respect their spouse's goals and non-political aspirations. 

My goal now is to just continue to support and spread the word about the Free State Project, get as many people as I can to sign up for it (got a few to do that over the last year), and stop government from getting any bigger (through voting) than it already is in the state we'll be staying in for at least the next decade (Massachusetts.)

How does everyone going through this type of situation cope with the mixture of feelings about it?  I know for myself personally, it was the strangest combination of happiness and sadness the day my husband got word he was getting the promotion.  He sounded so excited and his face was all lit up with proud and deserved glow.  I was torn between being so happy for him, knowing how hard he'd worked towards it, and also letting go of my own dreams of seeing him achieve even greater things running his own business in New Hampshire (he is so capable of it, but not much of a risk taker.)  I so much wanted our family to be a part of the Free State Project... but I had to let it go, because the promotion was part of the deal, and the deal had been met. 

I'm wondering how many other families are going through this.  Gotta be a few out there.
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cathleeninnh

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Re: Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2005, 12:28:24 pm »

You made the deal, but maybe it wasn't the best deal. I am sorry you are feeling so let down. I know I would have felt the same. We all want to look forward with a positive attitude and put our family in the best possible position. Maybe a new deal is in order that will take advantage of his career success and still get you to the free state. Save his salary increase for the future. Hopefully your husband feels that liberty is a worthy goal. If not, you have a bigger problem to deal with.

I know that I was itching to get here and knew that turning points present themselves pretty regularly in life. I waited and sooner rather than later, it came and here we are.

Cathleen
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punkrawk

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Re: Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2005, 12:39:24 pm »

Same boat here, although there is some light at the end of the tunnel.  My wife is reticent to leave our hometown because all of our family is here.  I'm talking aunts and uncles, our parents, neices and nephews, etc.  Originally I made it my mission to convert as many of them as possible to the cause, but that hasn't been going well.  I've switched tactics and am now pushing for a two year stint in the free state.  My wife is going to apply for a graduate program at Boston University, so this may work out.

In the meantime, there is so much you can do to promote the FSP from a distance.  First off you can contribute money to the numerous causes in NH that FSP'ers are supporting, and you can contribute money to the FSP itself.  You can also go online and post information about the FSP to various forums and websites, see Dada's thread for more info.  Most importantly, you can join or start a local group and promote the FSP in your hometown.  Recruitement is a huge part of the success of this project, and with so many of the activists already moving, the people who haven't moved yet need to be that much more active.

New Hampshire will be the free state in 10 years, and it will still be the free state in 20 years.  Sure it would be nice to move now, but you can play a vital role for the cause of liberty in New Hampshire, and in America, by working for the FSP wherever you are.
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FreeBoB

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Re: Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2005, 04:19:04 pm »

As we all know, things change.  As difficult as changes can be, my suggestion is to accept it and move on.  This is not a short-term project and who knows what will happen or what you and your husband will create in the future...

Your acceptance of this change will open more doors for you than you can imagine!   8)

Brian

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KBCraig

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Re: Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2005, 05:57:40 pm »

In our case, I am the spouse whose career is in the way. My wife can set up shop as a dog groomer in almost any community, but we're waiting on my employer to open a facility in the northern part of the state. As of now, there's some question whether they will open it or cancel it.

I could transfer right now to a Massachussetts facility and commute, but I really don't want to pay Mass. income tax, and housing prices near the border are too high for us. We really want to be in Coos county.

Kevin
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BagOfEyebrows

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Re: Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH
« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2005, 08:26:50 pm »

You made the deal, but maybe it wasn't the best deal. I am sorry you are feeling so let down. I know I would have felt the same. We all want to look forward with a positive attitude and put our family in the best possible position. Maybe a new deal is in order that will take advantage of his career success and still get you to the free state. Save his salary increase for the future. Hopefully your husband feels that liberty is a worthy goal. If not, you have a bigger problem to deal with.

I know that I was itching to get here and knew that turning points present themselves pretty regularly in life. I waited and sooner rather than later, it came and here we are.

Cathleen

He has promised already that if he finds himself unsatisfied with the job promotion he will consider the move to New Hampshire.  He is very aware of how much it means to me personally, and he agrees with New Hampshire being a better place to raise a family, and also a safer place to be for freedom and liberty (it wasn't hard to convince him of that, the statistics and facts online that I printed out and showed him pretty much did the convincing for me.)

He's just not political, but is one of the most logical and centered men I ever met.  I was only semi-political when he and I met over a dozen years ago.  The past nine years have seen a steady yearly increase of my personal leanings towards being more political.  I'm betting I'm not alone in this kind of scenerio, either... one spouse who is very political, one who is not.  One who feels politics are best ignored, the other who wants to do something to change the course of things.
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BagOfEyebrows

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Re: Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2005, 08:40:01 pm »

Same boat here, although there is some light at the end of the tunnel.  My wife is reticent to leave our hometown because all of our family is here.  I'm talking aunts and uncles, our parents, neices and nephews, etc.  Originally I made it my mission to convert as many of them as possible to the cause, but that hasn't been going well.  I've switched tactics and am now pushing for a two year stint in the free state.  My wife is going to apply for a graduate program at Boston University, so this may work out.

In the meantime, there is so much you can do to promote the FSP from a distance.  First off you can contribute money to the numerous causes in NH that FSP'ers are supporting, and you can contribute money to the FSP itself.  You can also go online and post information about the FSP to various forums and websites, see Dada's thread for more info.  Most importantly, you can join or start a local group and promote the FSP in your hometown.  Recruitement is a huge part of the success of this project, and with so many of the activists already moving, the people who haven't moved yet need to be that much more active.

New Hampshire will be the free state in 10 years, and it will still be the free state in 20 years.  Sure it would be nice to move now, but you can play a vital role for the cause of liberty in New Hampshire, and in America, by working for the FSP wherever you are.

Family was one of the easier parts for me to convince him with, as New Hampshire and Massachusetts are so close to each other and we drive an hour's drive once a week anyways to visit family members (parents, cousins, etc.) Plus, I'd pretty much convinced my father to consider a move with us, as he is a Libertarian. 

I've been doing most of those things you mentioned, and actually just did a little research last week to see if any active Libertarian groups existed in my area (Cape Cod).  Found some Libertarians, but most of their activity is online... I'm hoping to get them all together for a meeting of the minds kind of thing, to meet offline and come up with ways we spread the information about the FSP and Libertarianism.  I will make sure each of them is aware of the FSP (some Libertarians still aren't aware of the project, believe it or not!)  If I can get a few of them to consider the move, the stronger the FSP will be for any eventual move our family makes... I do still have a quiet hope inside that at some point we'll be a part of it, but I so strongly wanted to be a part of this beginning part. 

That is a great idea to do a two year stint... makes it like a trial run for the spouse who "isn't so sure."  I hope that all goes well for both of you.   
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BagOfEyebrows

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Re: Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2005, 08:44:53 pm »

As we all know, things change.  As difficult as changes can be, my suggestion is to accept it and move on.  This is not a short-term project and who knows what will happen or what you and your husband will create in the future...

Your acceptance of this change will open more doors for you than you can imagine!   8)

Brian



There wasn't any other logical choice but to accept it as it was the reality for right now... but, like everybody keeps saying, down the road a piece many things can happen.  Still... ya know, that part of ya that hears about something like this and researches it and studies it and learns more and more about it, hitting that 100% in support of mark, and then approaching a spouse with something they never thought you'd ask them ... "babe, I know this is way outta left field, but can we move to New Hampshire?"

His first two facial expressions after I asked:   :o  ??? 
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BagOfEyebrows

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Re: Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH
« Reply #8 on: May 23, 2005, 08:52:07 pm »

In our case, I am the spouse whose career is in the way. My wife can set up shop as a dog groomer in almost any community, but we're waiting on my employer to open a facility in the northern part of the state. As of now, there's some question whether they will open it or cancel it.

I could transfer right now to a Massachussetts facility and commute, but I really don't want to pay Mass. income tax, and housing prices near the border are too high for us. We really want to be in Coos county.

Kevin


I'm sure you already did this, but just in case... scout out areas/business places that could accomodate your work's business?  Sometimes they need just a little nudge like an email of a prime spot for the business to be in.  We've been considering doing that, too... with my husband's promotion, if he ends up liking the job, to suggest to the owner of the company an expansion to New Hampshire, and my husband could literally scout the places for the stores, supervise each store, etc.  That's not something we would do until a few years went by with my husband continuing to show his value as an employee.  But if you're in a place of business that would be open to that kind of suggestion right now, do the eye and leg work for them in finding the ultimate spot for them to have as a location.  We know that the company my husband works in is already maxed out with new locations they are just getting together... once those are established, it is on the back burner to suggest NH.
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FTL_Ian

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Re: Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH
« Reply #9 on: May 24, 2005, 11:56:02 am »

This may be a little harsh, but I think it should be said:

Which is more important:  Your husband or your freedom?

Which is more important to him:  You or his job?

If you told him you were going to NH in 5 years, what would he say or do?
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BagOfEyebrows

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Re: Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH
« Reply #10 on: May 24, 2005, 02:33:50 pm »

This may be a little harsh, but I think it should be said:

Which is more important:  Your husband or your freedom?

Which is more important to him:  You or his job?

If you told him you were going to NH in 5 years, what would he say or do?

That wasn't harsh at all, in fact it made me smile... I've asked myself those questions.  :) 

Dunno if you've read Atlas Shrugged (I always assume most Libertarians have, but some haven't), but remember that part of the book when Hank signs over his company rather than out his affair with Dagny?  I remember getting so pissed at Hank for that... how could he do that?   Here he was, caving in, just over the love of a woman?  It's not as if Dagny couldn't handle the truth being out there, she could have, he just didn't want her to have to go through it.  The strongest woman he knew, in his mind, was vulnerable to what they were threatening to do.  So, he did what he felt would best protect her. 

I'm in that same boat now iin other terms, with my husband.  I know my husband could handle a move to New Hampshire.  I know if I demanded we go, he'd do it, but I love him enough to want him to be able to make that kind of choice, to take that kind of self-perceived risk with himself and his abilities, on his own mind... because I want him to be responsible for it, not me.  The only way he could succeed is if he was making the decision, 100%, because he felt it was the right thing for HIM, not just me.  I'm going to let him decide what he can handle and what he can't handle. 

There's also a lot of other things too detailed to get into... but one of them I will touch base on briefly.  My husband's job and the person who owns the company is one of the best things that happened to our family.  The company is well run, well established, and a joy to work for (I work for my husband part time, he works full time.)  It's not often that people nowadays can say the head of a company they work for is a man of character, full of fairness and business sense that is so Libertarian it is at times astounding.  But that is exactly the kind of company it is... one it actually feels good to work for. 

I have my freedom no matter where I am... my choice, which is to not leave for New Hampshire until my husband is *ready*, is actually a display of my freedom.  My continuing support of the FSP is and will be my main focus in the years to come no matter the outcome of where our family stays. 

Because if the FSP does as good as I think it has potential to do, 30 or 40 years down the road, your project very well may need more land to fit all the FSPers and Libertarians in it, and Massachusetts will hopefully be part of that chunk of states that becomes the United States of FSP.  ;)

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"Hagrid"

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Re: Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH
« Reply #11 on: May 24, 2005, 05:10:00 pm »

Perhaps this Libertarian-ish business owner will consider opening a branch in NH...

BagOfEyebrows

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Re: Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH
« Reply #12 on: May 24, 2005, 07:31:09 pm »

Perhaps this Libertarian-ish business owner will consider opening a branch in NH...

He's in the process of expanding out locally, so we know right now wouldn't be the best/right time to approach him with an idea like that.  It will take at least a few years until we could suggest it.  If his business plan follows the course, he most likely will expand up to Boston before he considered an expansion to NH. 
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Mark in OC

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Re: Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH
« Reply #13 on: July 12, 2005, 01:36:38 pm »

I am married with 2 kids, 1 in 10th grade the other in 5th.  Will have to wait for both to graduate, as they are heavily involved in Water Polo and I not sure if NH has much of a Water Polo program.  Also, what's the job opps for someone in Video Production?
I work as an Editor / Post Production Technical Supervisor and also do video replay for the Lakers, (a very cool job indeed!)  I'm guessing the opportunities might be more limited in NH, no?
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Jennie89

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Re: Any other married folks wishing they could move to NH
« Reply #14 on: July 12, 2005, 01:44:19 pm »

Re: Water polo. Do a Google search for "New Hampshire" and "water polo", and quite a few hits come up. Looks like Dartmouth College has a sophisticated water polo program. They may also know what the local feeder high schools are for water polo. Dover, NH was in the news for water polo a couple months back, but I don't know enough about the sport to speak intelligently on it. But I can tell you that yes, water polo is taken seriously in NH.
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