I need work on the
"because I said so"
Indeed. Give them reasons. "Because it's my TV, and I decide what gets watched on it; if you don't like it, buy your own" is a libertarian response. "Because I said so" is not.
Your reasons don't have to be popular. They don't even have to be logical, for that matter. If something is yours, you can set the rules for it.
Set specific consequences, and work to have them make sense in light of the behavior. "If you don't finish cleaning up by 7PM, you won't be able to watch a movie, because it will be too late to start one" gives the child a choice, and explains what happens depending upon the result of that choice.
Someone commented that we could be spoiling the kids because we'll let them ask for odd meals and specific serving amounts. However, my belief is that, if the child wants to eat ten slices of pepperoni for dinner, I'll supply that... but they have to eat what they ask for, as well as the quantity that they requested. If I chose the quantity, then they could assert that I gave them too much, but if they choose it, they are responsible for the choice, and I can insist that they eat all that's on their plates. I won't provide an unhealthy meal, but I'll let them choose what to eat, among a reasonable number of choices, for each category (eg, protein, carb, etc.). They need to learn to make choices, and live with the results (sometimes negative, and sometimes positive).
sort of responses or yelling. Intimidation, threats and other methods should never be used and I need to take a proactive change in my parenting for my better and especially for my kids.
Are there any free marketing parenting books, guides or help out there? While I love the libertarian way of life, I am in no way perfect at SHOWING IT especially with my parenting skills.
any books, articles etc?
Not sure of any specific books, but there's a strong community here in NH, and there are plenty of folks who are willing to help.
I'd just put the hammer down if they're giving you guff. Kids are kids, and if they're mature and good people, I think it best to treat them that way. You wouldn't treat a screaming tantrum adult like a mature adult, would you?
If you yell at them, they learn that as the proper response to unpleasant situations, and then they throw more
The proper response to a tantrum is to get calmer
and more reasonable.